The turkeys win again…

Yes, once again this year two wily turkeys have managed to fool our president into pardoning them. I don’t know how they did it since he is usually so smart and tough on crime. No one executes more prisoners than his home state of Texas, and when he ran it he was the toughest guy you could hope for.

When convicted murderer Karla Faye Tucker asked him for clemency shortly before her execution in 1998, Bush just mocked her. “‘Please,’ Bush whimpered, his lips pursed in mock desperation, ‘don’t kill me.’” Now that was a real man.

Today though, we see that 8 long years as president have enfeebled our once-great leader. The pathetic gobbling pleas of these fat feathered miscreants should have gone as unanswered as a Texas death row inmate’s, and they should have been put to death just like the other 271 million turkeys sentenced this year, but now they will never be punished as they should.

Now these two monsters will be allowed to live out the rest of their natural lives in peace and happiness at Disneyland. They will probably be stuck in a pen where they will be poked and pelted with food and garbage as they live out their golden years. Ah, the good life.

Alaska’s governor Sarah Palin appeared to have caved in to the anti-death penalty lobby as well when she pardoned one of the waddled menaces, but she showed us where Bush’s balls went when right after the pardoning ceremony she did an interview, smiling and laughing while slaughterhouse workers behind her ground off the heads of these vile beasts in some kind of a turkey murdilizing machine that looked like a wood chipper. Imagine how many turkeys you could dispatch with one of those! Rudolf Höß would be proud.

Sarah Barracuda, if I weren’t terrified of disappearing into your toothy maw, I’d kiss you. Mister Bush on the other hand, I think I’ve just lost my respect for you.