God Loves Slavery

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God Loves Slavery

Side 1: God Loves Slavery

Are you tired of cleaning up after yourself?  Sick of planting your own crops like a sucker?  Have I got news for you!  If you’re a Christian, Muslim or Jew, your god wholeheartedly supports slavery.  You may never have to lift a finger again!

Before you buy your first slave though, make sure to read up on the details.  For guidelines on who to buy, which includes almost everyone, open a Bible to Leviticus 25:42-46. As long as they aren’t Hebrew men, you can even pass them down to your children!

Remember, God says a slave’s life is worth 30 silver sheckles, so make sure to collect it if an ox gores your slave to death!  As an added bonus, you also get to stone the ox! (Exodus 21:32)

Sadly you will not be compensated if you beat your own slave to death, but at least you can be secure in the knowledge that beating them so badly they die is a-okay with God.  Just make sure they don’t die for a day or two after the beating. (Exodus 21:20-21)

Now get out there and find some heathen slaves.  Your life of leisure starts today!

Girls for sale!

Side 2: Girls for sale!

When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the [Hebrew] men are.  If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again.  But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her.  And if the slave girl’s owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter.  If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife.  If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.

- Exodus 21:7-11 NLT

A fine example of the Bible’s high regard for slavery, and low regard for women.  Not only can a woman be bought and sold, she can be forced to marry her owner or his son!  If he doesn’t like her or if he gets sick of her, then he can put her on Craig’s List, but at least he’s not allowed to resell her to a foreigner.  Thank God.

About:

Since God Loves Slavery was the first tract I made, I figured I’d bring it back in a new, shorter and hopefully more amusing form as our first publicly available tract.

Please download it and give it to as many people as you can along with the other tracts that we will start posting shortly.  You can expect at least a couple of new ones every month, hopefully one a week or so, and even more than that this month.

Since the new version of God Loves Slavery is shorter and contains less information than the first one, I also plan to write an article on the subject soon, so keep an eye out for it, and if people don’t believe the tract or want to learn more, send them to the article! Thanks for reading, and good luck.

33 thoughts on “God Loves Slavery

  1. Very cool. I made something similar when I was in college. Ten years ago, same annoying preachers at U of Wisconsin Madison. I guess they go to Arizona for the winter. Have fun!

  2. You are making fun of the bible!!! you are taking the bible out of proportion. the 7th commandment is do NOT Murder.
    stop this stupid website!!! it is wrong and you know it!!!

  3. Yes I am making fun of the Bible, but that’s only because it needs making fun of. You say what I’m doing is wrong, but what exactly is wrong here?

    I provided verses for people to look up what I’m talking about, and I am not even presenting them incorrectly. The Bible very clearly supports slavery, and these are examples of it explicitly doing just that.

    If you don’t believe me, look the verses up for yourself. There are more where these came from too, so if this isn’t enough to convince you I can get you more or you can do your own research on the subject.

    If you do research it, Christians will lie to you and say that this wasn’t really slavery, but if you read the verses it becomes very clear that these people were to be treated as property, and the foreigners and women at least could be kept forever and passed down to your children.

    So what exactly am I doing that is wrong? Exposing the side of the Bible that you don’t want people to know about?

  4. this is amazing lol
    im so glad that someone is actually pointing out the flaws of the bible
    the christian religon is screwed up in so many ways
    i’ve never read the bible but from what i’ve heard it just sounds like a novel someone took way to serious haha

    but im glad that u are finaly telling them that their religon isn’t perfect
    keep up the good work

  5. Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? 4For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’[a] and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’
    - Matthew 15: 1-9 -

    Kill the kid for cursing his parents?? Those Muslims sure do have some strange beliefs…Ohh! wait… oopps, thats from the Christian Bible. Who would have thunk it!

  6. Dude I’m not catholic in anyway but if God makes people happy why ruin it for them? It sounds like you are pretty confused with your life and you need some guidance. I don’t think dissing the bible is going to make you feel any better and its not difficult to point out flaws in a book that was written over 1500′s years ago in many different languages some which don’t even exist today. If your an athiest, Great! Its fine people have different beliefs, but what I don’t understand is why you are angry at the bible, almost sounds like someone is angry that they can’t believe in eternal happiness and decides to ruin it for the rest. Bottum line- FUCK YOU< YOU ARE A GOD DAMN NERDY PRICK WHO HAS NO LIFE AND WANTS TO SEE OTHERS AS MISERABLE AS YOU ARE.

  7. • Isaiah 58:6 “Undo the heavy burdens . . . let the oppressed go free, . . . break every yoke.”
    • Matthew 23:10 “Neither be ye called Masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.”

  8. Eric, if most adults believed in Santa Claus, would that bother you?

    Maybe that’s not such a big deal, but what if they decided to push for a law saying that no one could have fires on Christmas eve anymore because Santa might be burned when he went down someone’s chimney?

    Should we just let them do it? Should we oppose it by saying that Santa is fire-proof or some similarly silly idea which wouldn’t hurt the believers’ feelings? Or do you think it might be right to start pointing out that we have no reason to believe in Santa or the stories about him at all?

    What if some groups of believers started claiming that they had received secret correspondence from Santa telling them that he hates thin children because they make him feel fat? People might decide to discriminate against thin children, or worse.

    Would that be enough to make you want to point out that it’s absurd to think an enormous fat man could fit down a tiny chimney, or even more ridiculous to think that he could perform this feat millions of times around the world in a single night?

    Sure, it might hurt some feelings, but more people would learn the truth, and the overall effect on the world would be a positive one.

    The Santa examples are silly, but then so are many of the things that religious people believe, and many of them do try on a regular basis to insert their religion into politics, education, science and society in general.

    This has led to such things as personal and sometimes even political discrimination against people of other religions (even other sects of the same religion), and against women, homosexuals, unbelievers and others. It has led to severe deficiencies in certain areas of education and funding of important scientific research. These are not things that we should ignore because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

    I’m not angry at the Bible, but I do get angry when people misrepresent it as something more or better than it is, and when they do things which have negative effects on me, our laws, and especially science, based on their religious beliefs. Beliefs which are in turn based on the Bible; an ancient book which few of them fully known and understand.

    If they knew it well and knew it for what it is and not what they want it to be, they probably wouldn’t be Christians anymore.

    As for your Bible verses, even if you believe that Jesus opposed slavery (which as a whole the Bible does not seem to suggest), that does nothing to change the previous explicit commands of the perfect and unchanging creator of the universe to engage in the profoundly immoral practice of slavery.

    If someone wants to pretend that there aren’t problems with the Christian religion, if they want to delude themselves into believing that they will have eternal happiness in heaven after they die, they can go ahead and believe it.

    They should at least have a chance to know the truth first though, and I would implore them to refrain from attempting to spread these ill-founded beliefs to others, and from trying to force us all to follow the rules of their religion.

  9. Terrorists have tried to force people of the world out of the way of life they chose to live. They failed. What makes you think a mere atheist will have any chance?

  10. @Reikio
    Because we aren’t violently trying to force people to follow us, and most of us couldn’t care less what you believe provided you aren’t shoving it down our necks and making us follow your holy books.

    In the end most of us don’t care if you have an imaginary friend, all we want is to be left to our own devices with out being told we have to acknowledge your fantasies as literal truth.

  11. @ BEN & ERIC, et al

    Do not tell me to be quiet because “religious people do not affect you”… they do…

    When religious people are in positions of legislative power they do affect me as they undoubtedly press their beliefs on me, my family and other like minded people.

    Abortion, Texas education materials, the pledge of allegiance was high-jacked in the 50′s when congress added “under god,” stem cell research, anti-equality for same-sex marriage, and … See Morethe list goes on… we are not worried about what they do behind closed doors but they always seem ready to encroach upon what we do behind ours as well as in public forum… people ignored the nazi’s for quite a while too…”and then they came for me”…

    As much as the religious feel the need to proselytize to “enlighten” I too feel the need to share knowledge and awaken them from their slumber, free them of intolerance, and deliver them from ignorance if not only for their well-being, but mine and my childrens as well.

  12. First of all, this website is full of so many lies and fallacious comments..that it is hard to prove just one wrong. If anybody posts a comment at me, I will tell them how and why Christians believe it the way they do. And Christians are right too. It all checks out. So, go. Anybody.

  13. God’s girl: I have not read every comment here, but I am responsible for a large portion of the posts, and I do my best to make sure that they are accurate.

    I’m sure that there are errors, as there are in everything (including the Bible), but I want this site to give the most accurate information we can give. If you can point out any of the “lies”, please do, and if I end up agreeing that something is wrong, I will change it.

    If you want a place to start, how about this tract? Pick a “lie” from it, and we’ll try to figure out who’s right.

    The general tone of the tract is meant to be either humorous or discomforting, depending on whether or not you think there is a god out there who blatantly supported people owning other people, so I can understand if you dislike the way it is written. The basic content is taken directly from the Bible though, so please tell us, how are we wrong here?

  14. @ God’sgirl

    I have also authored several post on this web site. If any of my post are in error feel free to bring them to my attention and we can discus it. However right now all your doing is throwing out baseless assertions that fundamentally undermine you position.

  15. This is so…oh my god… Awesome!

    Man I have a girl in my class that has a loop hole for all things like this, but this will be perfect.

  16. Do not make fun of the bible, because you will regret it your whole life afterwards, but remember that when you do regret and realize your mistake, God is still there for you, waiting for you to come to him, because God still loves you, and you still have many chances to ask for his forgiveness, come to him right now, just as you are “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 God Bless You! (:

  17. @ Kazz- i understand that you are saying you are supporting your post with verses, and i have looked up the verses you have provided, Leveticus 25: 42-46… “For they are my servants, which i have brought forth out of the land of Egypt..” lets stop here, God’s children are his servants in another way, not in the way that it appears, we are his servants and serve him by honoring and obeying his laws that he has given us, not by being slaves or earthly servants, cleaning and cooking, that isn’t what the Bible means at all, You can even read on where it says..” they shall NOT be sold as bondmen, bondmen, meaning slaves, if u really think about it, you can see that the Bible does not support slavery at all. Now lets examine verse 42 again,…” For they are my servants which I brought forth out of Egypt…” if you read the bible, you will learn that Moses freed the slaves that Pharoh had bonded. Now let me ask you something, If God really did support slavery, do you think that he would send Moses to free the slaves out of Egypt? Do you think that he would part the sea for the slaves to escape?

  18. @Bianca
    First in response to your post #21:

    The only slaves Mosses freed in Egypt where the Jewish one. None of the other slaves where freed only the Israelite. So but the only ones exempt from slaver according to the bible are the Israelite everyone else is fair game. So your argument fails here. Additionally you haven’t even touched on the fact that the old testament gives MULTIPLE and explicit orders on how to own and treat slaves. Not just one passage. When a holy book tells a people how to do something, repeatedly, it’s the same thing as condoning it.

    Sorry Bianca, but your picking and choosing what parts of the bible you want to believe, that is Heresy and blasphemy(Matthew 12:31-32). Your holy book tells of a god who supports slavery, even Jesus out right condones the keeping and treatment of slaves (Ephesians 6:5, 1 Timothy 6:1-2, Luke 12:47-48). I’m sorry but a the single passage you quote and distort dose not change the rest of the book, and until very recently slavery was backed up by this very book you hold so high. You can’t just hand wave it way.

    Also as a finle point I would like to quote the last line of Leviticus 25: 55 “…for the Israelites belong to me as servants. They are my servants, whom I brought out of Egypt…” They are god’s SERVANTS, they where never truly freed they simply have a new master. Remember all of through out the dark-ages kings and noble men used this book to keep control of the presents. After all, fundamentally every one is a salve according to the bible, all that changes is who you master is,

    Lastly in response to your first post 20:

    I make fun of ALL holy books because of one simple inescapable fact: There is no afterlife and when your brain dies you die as well. ALL of medical research shows as much. There are no second chances and there are no redos. The people who you’ve lost in this life will never been seen again. I’m sorry, but it’s the cold hard truth. If you feel the need to hide from reality, fine. Then give away all your earthly possessions and run up to a cave somewhere and live out the rest of your meager life worshiping invisible entities. However the rest of humanity would like to grow up and move on. Beliefs in the supernatural only hinder us in progressing at this point.

  19. Proverbs 22:7 The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender… Which are you?

  20. “Also as a finle point I would like to quote the last line of Leviticus 25: 55 “…for the Israelites belong to me as servants. They are my servants, whom I brought out of Egypt…” They are god’s SERVANTS, they where never truly freed they simply have a new master. Remember all of through out the dark-ages kings and noble men used this book to keep control of the presents. After all, fundamentally every one is a salve according to the bible, all that changes is who you master is,”

    This post is dead, but from what you said, he meant that they are his servants to spread the Jewish religion.

  21. This is my first visit here…. Awesome site! Pisses off self-righteous dittoheads and everything! Wow. I’ll be a regular. Keep up the good work.

  22. Some things we read in the bible do seem unconscionable, but they were written in a different time and must be taken into the context from which they were written. The scriptures you quote refer to “history” not God’s law. It seems that you are willing search out scripture which appear to be “obsurd” to you, but have you search out God himself. When I was truly searching to find out if there was a god or not, I didn’t attack others and their beliefs, I went to the source. I asked God if He was real or not and if he was I wanted Him to reveal himself to me… and he did. No one will ever be able to convince you that God is real and that he exists unless He reveals himself to direct. Go ahead, don’t be afraid of the answer, just ASK HIM. I promise you… He will not fail to give you a response. And this is the God that I know.

  23. There is not one mention of what the language of the Bible is. If you don’t know the language, then you don’t know what the Bible actually says.

  24. Cheryl: I do take these things in context when I examine what they really mean, but for people who believe that the words and deeds attributed to Yahweh (God) in the bible are good and should be followed, I think that it’s important to make it clear that this is in fact the product of Jews, Greeks and probably a few others over several hundred years, all long in the past – not, as many think “The inerrant word of God.”

    People who want to take some of the things Yahweh supposedly told Moses and others as good and moral advice must either ignore the issue of slavery, or accept the fact that throughout the old and new testaments, there are many places that people are told to take slaves, and told how to deal with the institution of slavery, but not one single verse which condemns this institution.

    The very few things which people point to in an attempt to say that it does condemn slavery actually are taken out of context. For example, when Galatians 3:28 says “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” it is talking about the equality of all people in the eyes of Jesus, and perhaps even within the Christian community, but it does not mean that slaves should actually be free any more than it means that Jews should be Greeks, or males should be females. It does seem to encourage Christians to treat their slaves better, but not to free them.

    If any of the Bible’s authors intended to do more than encourage humane treatment of slaves (which some passages do, and others do not), then surely they could have said something like “Thou shalt not enslave thy brothers and sisters, for slavery is an abomination.” or maybe something more on the angry side like “The man who thinks to own another man is in danger of judgement.” The Bible is filled with similar commandments and threats on all kinds of other subjects, but not slavery. From beginning to end, through every book it is consistent in its acceptance of – or even support for – slavery. At least when the Chosen People are the masters.

    By the way, I have repeatedly asked if God was there, many times over a number of years, but I have not received an answer. If you would like to add me to your prayers, feel free, but with this track record I doubt that it will be any more effective.

  25. M.Lydon: There is only so much space available on such a tiny card, but rest assured, although I don’t read ancient Greek or Hebrew, I did research what these words actually meant, and although many English translations try to soften the passages about slavery, calling them “servants”, it is in these and many other passages actually referring to people owning each other.

    There’s so much more than I didn’t even have room to make clear in this tract. Like in Exodus 21:32 the 30 sheckles of silver that must be paid for the dead slave go to the slave’s master, not the dead person’s family, because it is the slave’s owner who is considered to have lost his property.

    Or how about Exodus 21:1-6 where it makes it clear that although Hebrew men are supposed to be released on the seventh year, if you have given him another of your slaves as a wife, “the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.” (Exodus 21:4) If he wants to stay with his wife and children, then he has to let you jam an awl (similar to an ice pick) through his ear, and you become his owner for life too.

    Women and foreigners don’t even have this choice. Does this sound like anything other than slavery, even if you try to make the words more palatable?

    Even Christian apologists who would love for this not to be the case rarely try to deny it. Instead they claim that back then slavery wasn’t so bad, or even that it was good for the slaves. It is true that a lot of slaves at the time were treated better than the African slaves in the US who we are most familiar with, but the fact remains that most of us now consider even the basic idea of treating people as property to be profoundly unethical, and something that we would not support no matter how the slaves were treated.

  26. I’m a gay man and I’m fed up of hearing Christians stand on their high horses telling me that I’m evil or living in sin. I dont know why they feel so strongly about condemning homosexuality in the bible but have no problem with the fact that slavery is ok. Secretly I think a lot of people including Christians would love to own a slave, sexual or gardener, but the law forbids it. So it’s a case of tit for tat; if I can’t have a slave, gays cant have sex. Thanks for your site.

  27. you are taking verses and saying they are saying stuff they do not say.there is difference in the contexts u r talking about.

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