God Loves Slavery
Download God Loves Slavery (PDF)
Side 1: God Loves Slavery
Are you tired of cleaning up after yourself? Sick of planting your own crops like a sucker? Have I got news for you! If you’re a Christian, Muslim or Jew, your god wholeheartedly supports slavery. You may never have to lift a finger again!
Before you buy your first slave though, make sure to read up on the details. For guidelines on who to buy, which includes almost everyone, open a Bible to Leviticus 25:42-46. As long as they aren’t Hebrew men, you can even pass them down to your children!
Remember, God says a slave’s life is worth 30 silver sheckles, so make sure to collect it if an ox gores your slave to death! As an added bonus, you also get to stone the ox! (Exodus 21:32)
Sadly you will not be compensated if you beat your own slave to death, but at least you can be secure in the knowledge that beating them so badly they die is a-okay with God. Just make sure they don’t die for a day or two after the beating. (Exodus 21:20-21)
Now get out there and find some heathen slaves. Your life of leisure starts today!